Someone asked me what my key principles are for coping with life, with yourself, and with others. I paused. Then I answered. Here are the six principles behind that answer.
Date
2026-02-15
Author
Mats Soomre
Lone wolves are an endangered species. The principles that follow are what I rely on to stop work from burying me, to stay resourceful, and to keep finding joy in the company of difficult, brilliant people.
Some time ago someone asked me: "In a modern world that keeps raising the bar at work, at home, and even in our free time — what are your key principles for coping well with life, with yourself and with others?"
I paused and answered.
The main thing is that work does not bury you, that you do not fall into constant complaining, that you stay resourceful and persistent, and that you make time to find joy and a sense of contentment.
Here are the principles behind that answer.
1. Learn to Trust Your Own People
Especially experts. Learn to ask them for help at the right moment.
It is always worth looking for people wiser than you and thinking things through with them. Everything depends on how much you trust each other. Trust is built through decisions, getting to know each other, and shared experience — not through performance reviews or team-building events.
The faster you learn to trust the right people, the faster you reach the results that last.
For more on how trust is built through decisions, not time, read Trust Is a Decision. Everything Else Follows.
2. Listen First. Take a Position Second.
Do not rush to say "no" or "yes" immediately.
Listen to understand. Be sceptical if needed, even argue — but do not work against the team. Learn to understand and trust your colleagues, your family, your friends, your experts. Listen and take their input seriously.
Then make the final decision yourself.
Others can prepare a draft decision for you, but the final decision is yours — and you need to take it with confidence. If things do not turn out the way you planned, pull yourself together, start again, and do it better.
Never blame others when the decisions you made do not work out.
3. Spend Energy on Perseverance, Not on Stubbornness
Healthy stubbornness is not blind opposition. It is grit, hard work, and perseverance. Stubbornness as pointless pressure, constant contradiction, and working against others is just expensive — it burns energy, creates unnecessary stress, and does not help you achieve anything meaningful.
Perseverance and consistency lead to results that hold. Resistance for its own sake leads to exhaustion.
4. Develop Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses
There is little point in forcing people to fix their weaknesses. It does not work. You cannot meaningfully develop a weakness — but you can develop strengths almost endlessly. This is the principle I have applied across 28 years of working with teams: stop investing in what people cannot do. Start investing in what they already do well.
Keep people who are different from you close. They complement you the most and help the whole team, even if at first it feels uncomfortable. Enjoy people's quirks and weirdness.
We usually manage well enough with understanding our obvious strengths. The more interesting question is how you find the hidden ones. This is where Belbin Team Roles earn their value — they identify both your visible and your currently hidden strengths, based on self-perception and observer feedback.
For the full framework, read Belbin Team Roles: The Practitioner's Guide to What Teams Actually Need. For why fixing weaknesses fails, read Let's Talk About Weakness
A few reminders for everyday collaboration:
Silence is not automatically ignoring. Arguing is not sabotage. A suggestion is not yet a decision. Behind your quirks are often your strongest contributions.
If you ask a question, listen to the answer properly — not to put others down, but to understand.
5. Be Resourceful and Kind. And Persistent.
Persistence alone is not enough. You also need creativity and resourcefulness.
Follow your path consistently and creatively — but in a way that makes people actually want to meet you again.
There is no universal and perfect formula for success. But good advice can help — if you use it with common sense and adapt it to your reality. In other words, go back and read principle number 2 again.
+1. Learn to Handle Failure and Discomfort
Change is all around us, and we have to change with it. That has been true for a long time.
Growth and change do not follow a constant, comfortable path. There will be ups and downs. Failure is not shameful. It travels together with development and is one of the most powerful learning opportunities available.
The best way to handle it: go back to principle number 1 and read all the advice again. It works. Tested many times.
Related: Before You Motivate, Remove What Demotivates — why removing friction works faster than adding inspiration.
Where to Start
Development is a form of collaboration. You do not have to figure it out alone.
One practical step: sit down with a team member, put your behavioural profiles side by side, and talk through where you are similar, where you are different, and how those differences can complement each other. Instead of talking only about motivation, talk honestly about what drains it.
That is where development begins — in honest, structured conversations about how you behave together, not in trying to become perfect alone.
Which of these principles needs the most attention in your team this week?
Six principles read in one sitting. Easier to write than to live. The place they get tested is the conversation between you and the people closest to your work — and that conversation goes better when you can name what each of you brings. See your own profile → and put it next to a colleague's. Working better with others begins when you stop guessing what they bring.
Photo by Mats Soomre · #MomentsBySoomre · moments.soomre.com